I Hate Golf!

I think I will probably alienate many men who might stumble across this blog for months and years to come. Once you post something online, its there for everyone to see and is available forever…right?

Oh well, I am comfortable in my own skin and like being a bit different.

Here goes…

Are you ready?

I HATE GOLF.

There…I said it. Felt good to get it off my chest.

I am just wondering when it became essential for every young boy and man to automatically be drawn to the game of golf? I wasn’t born with a putter in my hand – just a blankie!

When did it become a “tool” for business?

I do own a set of golf clubs…was forced to buy them because the industry I am currently involved with has many events that take place on the golf course. So I had to look the part. I bought the cheapest set I could find and had to put together an “outfit” to make me look like a golfer.

I will always remember the very first time I had to tee off with industry colleagues. I was so nervous because I had no technique (other than what I learned watching others play and my own natural ability coming from being a pretty good tennis player in my youth).

There were two impatient groups behind our group of four, so there were a bunch of people watching me as I nervously positioned the ball, looking like I was strategizing the shot. I took a couple of practice swings with one of my clubs (I think its the big one…no, not Big Bertha…but I think her poor relative). I walked up to the tee, aimed…closed my eyes and hoped for the best. By some stroke of luck (certainly not a stroke of skill), I not only made contact with it, but managed to put it right in the middle of the fairway.

From there it all went downhill. Balls finding their way into forested areas, ponds, lakes, eaten by snakes…it was miserable. To make matters worse, on a subsequent industry golf day, I managed to pop a rib, leaving me in agonizing pain for four days.

I don’t get men’s love affair with golf.

Why do they love the game so much? Its like a obsession.

Why?

Is it because it gets them outdoors…at one with nature?

Is it because it involves strategy?

Is it because it involves skill and technique?

Is it because it gives them a chance to spend stupid-amounts of money on green fees, equipment and clothing which are all justifiable and can be written off as a business expense?

Is it because it gets them out of the house for hours on end and away from their spouses and children?

Is it the golf carts which I admit, are a hoot to drive? I could drive them around all day…screw the golf!

I would say that the answer is a combination of all of these.

I do see the beauty of being outdoors and at one with nature. But, I don’t hear stories of men who are out on the links, stopping their game to take in a red cardinal perched on a 100 year old oak tree or a flock of Canada Geese flying in perfect formation over head.

As for the exercise component, its a load of crap. All of the industry events I have been to involve golf carts, cigars, lots of rich food and copious amounts of alcohol. In fact, some companies in my industry “sponsor” individual holes and outfit them with barmaids serving up glasses of wine or bottles of beer. I have never seen a “cold one” being offered to me when I do my yoga or spinning class (maybe a good idea?)

The game is rich in tradition, going back hundreds of years and has an appeal that is international in scope.

People (men) even take their golf clubs along on vacation with their spouses or family. Why? Firstly, have you ever seen the huge storage containers these golfing fans have to put their clubs into so that they can take them on the plane? They take up alot of room and are heavy. Is it really worth it?

As for women…I would like to hypothesize that many women in marriages or in steady relationships play golf because its the only way they can spend any time with their partners. If you can’t beat ’em…join ’em.

The golf fashion is nuts. John Daly, the blond, cigarette smoking, overweight (although he did lose some weight), alcohol-guzzling pro-golfer, is known for his absolutely hideous over-the-top pants that he wears on tour. If he was walking up any major street in any major city in a pair of those pants, people would think he is nuts. And please…white shoes? Give me a break.

As for Tiger Woods…in my mind, his athleticism, physical conditioning and sexual exploits do not belong in the game of golf at all…maybe another sport, like baseball or basketball…hell, even football. But, NOT golf.

As you can see, a fan I am not and probably never will be. I cannot sit on the couch for hours watching the PGA. There are people I know who can and do.

To each his own, I guess.

As I continue to seek new career opportunities outside my current industry, I wonder, in the back of mind, what my new job’s corporate past-time will be? Where will my deals get done? I am hoping not out on the golf course…but it makes me nervous to think what the alternatives might be?

Curling? Shuffleboard? Bowling?

Stay tuned…

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About I'm Just A Dad

Stephen Gosewich is just a Dad (he is a former Enlightened Male but decided to change the name because when you search Enlightened Male, "other...wink, wink" are displayed. He spends his days during the week as a working stiff. At all other times, he just enjoys hanging out with his best friend and wife and their two very active and inspiring daughters.
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