So, here I am, on Christmas vacation, sitting in my bathrobe, alongside my wife, watching a great show on TV called “Enlightened” (how appropriate, huh?). Its about a woman who suffers a nervous breakdown and works very hard on improving and working on herself to re-enter the world as a better person.
You see her interacting with people from her old life with a whole new, “enlightened” perspective. The majority of them, don’t seem to understand her nor do they really want to have anything to do with her. She reads self-help books and tries to live a cleaner and more centred existence.
As I enter into a new year, filled with opportunity, a clean slate and a renewed effort to maintain my aspiring “Enlightened Male” status, I have to wonder how the great masses of people perceive soles like Amy (the lead in “Enlightened”) or people like me, a real-life work in progress?
I remember having long conversations with my therapist questioning the validity of why I am putting forth all this effort when the majority of the world, generally speaking, doesn’t really give a shit and has no real clue how messed up and out of whack they might really be.
Why should I try so hard at becoming more enlightened and working through all of my stuff knowing that the majority of people I come into contact with won’t have any clue or care one way or the other?
Why did I start into this? Why did I sense that something was disconnected in my life and why did I choose to do something about it and why might the person beside me who might be going through their own set of struggles not do anything about it or seek any help?
When I started on my own journey about 3-4 years ago…my motivation had nothing to do with being better, less judgmental, critical, confused and lost. It was simply the desire to lose some weight. The weight, I later learned was a by-product of some other stuff that I didn’t know I needed to work on.
So, is it all worth it? Will there be a big pay off from all the time, effort, nasty unpleasantness and discomfort I have endured? Where am I now versus 3-4 years ago?
If I had to do a review of my life now versus 3-4 years ago…I would say that I am more self-aware and attuned to how I am feeling about myself and my feelings towards others. I am more aware of my silly behaviors and I am much more capable of living presently and being able to focus my thoughts on positive things which will manifest wonderful opportunities.
Have I found my professional passion yet? No. But that is ok. Unlike four years ago when I was still trying to convince myself that what I currently do is what I was meant to do and supposed to do…I now know that it isn’t. I am cool with that. I am learning to listen to my heart and have confidence in the decisions and choices I need to make.
How will my effort affect others? I can only think that any work I put into myself will result in better relationships with others and maybe impact them in a favorable way to look at themselves differently if they are seeking improvement.
So, why try harder? Because its worth it…