It will be our little secret.
Do you ever compare your children?
I have to admit that I do….and the older they become the more their personalities are defined making it easier to draw comparisons.
Am I a bad father for acknowledging that I compare my two children? At first I thought that I was. But I am also a human being. I think we are all guilty of comparing things.
We compare our own situations to others…sometimes its called envy. We compare the way we look to others and what are deemed as acceptable societal norms which we see in tabloid magazines and on television. We compare our economic position in life to others… sometimes called “keeping up with the Joneses”. We compare past relationships we’ve had to the ones we are currently in. I think we are pre-programmed to compare.
So why not compare our children?
Whenever we have two of something…we compare one to the other. It doesn’t mean that one is bad and the other is good..and it certainly doesn’t mean that I love one of my daughters any more or any less than the other. I think it would be a horrible thing to have two of the same kind of child. How boring.
Our first born is tall, beautiful, intelligent, goofy and moody as all hell. Her moodiness can in part, be attributed to her age since she is in her early teens. Its almost expected for her to sometimes be morose. Its the swirl of hormones that are raging through her body and the change in her view on boys (her interest level being on the increase), her transition from middle school to high school (which in and of itself can be traumatic, stressful and exciting all at once). But, she has always been temperamental, somewhat shy and not as confident in her own capabilities as my wife and I both know she can be. She is prone to being crabby in the morning, whiny…but at the same time, very loving, concerned for humanity, creative and imaginative. I love her for who she is and I want her to be a strong, independent, resourceful person who is capable of finding beauty in life and is able to successfully find her passion…whatever that might be.
My second born never wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. She is a complete “ham” – always making my wife and I laugh and never giving us a boring minute. She is cute, playful, independent, extremely considerate and attentive and is always looking for a good time. She sees the glass as half full…not half empty. She is highly sensitive and doesn’t always know how to take a gentle ribbing. She is very smart, yet academically has some struggles ahead of her. I love her free-spiritness, her zest for life and her ability to turn lemons into lemonade (especially when she sets up her lemonade stand with her best friend).
I could spend hours talking about the differences in each of my children. But never…never, would I say one is less than the other or that I love one more than the other. It is virtually impossible to do such a thing.
Lewis Black, the great angry-yet funny as hell comedian, referred to each of us as ” gentle snow flakes”. While I laughed when I first heard this expression, it happens to be completely true.
My children are each unique. There is no duplicating these children. While you would easily know that they are related to one another (physical similarities), they are light years apart…taking elements of my personality and my wife’s personality and adding a bunch of their own unique qualities into the mix, creating two magnificently original human beings that grace our lives each and every day. We are blessed!
I know they are different…that is why I have no problems comparing them. Even the way I love each of them is unique to that individual child. The intensity of the love I have for both of them is the same, but my relationship with each is unique and will continue to develop and grow every day.
Two of the same?
Afterall, variety is the spice of life!