Feeling guilty about doing nothing….

As I write this blog, its a muggy, overcast Sunday. One of our kids is making plans to meet a few friends and the other is just hanging out on the couch watching one of her favorites shows.

My wife, who loves the heat, is outside on the porch reading in one of our newly assembled and painted Muskoka chairs and I am here…banging out deep thoughts on the “puter”.

Its a hazy and lazy day. So, why do I feel guilty that I am not “doing anything”?

I always encourage my kids to get outside on beautiful days as we tend to hibernate during the winter (I loathe winter). Yesterday, my wife and I, along with my younger daughter and nephew, went to a nearby outdoor street festival that featured salsa music and Latin American cultural activities and food. It was a bright sunny day with a brilliant blue sky and a nice breeze making the heat easier to handle. We filled up our water bottles and trekked over to the street where the festival took place (it was a 15 minute stroll). My older daughter decided to stay home despite our best efforts to have her come with us. We caved-in because she is attending the same festival today with two or three of her close buddies…so it was ok.

But today, the weather is very unpleasant despite the fact that it is summer. While my wife and I went for an early morning walk to get our daily dose of exercise, as I hang around the house this Sunday, I feel like I should be doing something. Maybe tackling a project that I have been putting off for some time…straightening one of my kid’s rooms (again)…organizing some files…cleaning something. I feel that if I don’t do something with my time that it is completely wasted.

Could it be that as we get older, we appreciate the importance of living each day to its fullest? I have days where I don’t feel like I have achieved that and as a result, I get angry at myself. I get angry because in my mind, it was a wasted day.

When we are young, we don’t think that way as much. We don’t have the wisdom to think this way and feel that we will live forever (maybe that is why we do so many stupid things in our youth…mortality just isn’t top of mind).

However, at the age of 45 it is becoming clearer and clearer to me that I am not going to live forever and that regardless of what I do on any given day, that I appreciate and savor each moment because once that day ends, it cannot come back.

Maybe all that I really should be doing today is exactly what I am doing now; waking up..walking with my wife, running a few errands, having a bite of lunch, writing my blog and just relaxing until a family event that will take me and my family to my sister’s for an early dinner.

Maybe there is nothing wrong with that. Maybe its how I perceive each action (regardless of its size and level of importance) that matters more. If I live presently and in each moment as it happens and really focus on all that is going on around me then that is all I really need to feel satisfied and content.

I have no desire to go anywhere but where I am right now. I have no desire to hang out with anyone but my wife and family right now…I only have interest in writing this blog right now and then maybe vegging on the sofa and maybe even taking a catnap.

For a guy that is doing nothing right now….I gotta full day!!

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About theenlightenedmale

Stephen Gosewich is an aspiring enlightened male. He spends his days during the week as a guy working in real estate. At all other times, he just enjoys hanging out with his wonder best friend and wife and their two very active and inspiring daughters. Steve has supplied blogs to The Good Men Project, Village Living Magazine (print/online) and has been the "Daddy Blogger" at pinkandbluebaby.com. He lives in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
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