Where Is She?

I know she is here.

I see her every day.

I feed her every day. I do her laundry (well, I help out with her laundry) almost every day.
I hear her taking super long showers every day. I make the bed she sleeps in every day (when she doesn’t do it herself…which seems to be all the time).
I remind her to clean up her plate, rinse it and put it in the dishwasher every day. I tell her to put her clean clothes away in their drawers (neatly) so they won’t get all creased. I remind her to charge up her phone every day. I drive her wherever she wants to go so she can be with her buddies. I remind her to take her bus tickets every day. I remind her to let her mom and I know where she is when out with friends on the weekend.

I do all of these things and more for her…yet for some reason, she is not here.

She is here in body…but seems to be elsewhere in mind.

This is the life of a teenager…or at least, the life of my 14 year old daughter.

She wakes up in the morning…usually in a bad mood because she either didn’t get enough sleep or because she is just in a pissy mood…like she needs an excuse.
I feed her breakfast which temporarily raises her from her moroseness switching to goofiness verging on the edge of annoying.

She gets her act together and buses it to school. Although I always say goodbye and tell her that I love her, she is half way out the door and on her way.

The day goes by and around four o’clock she returns home. Dumping her stuff everywhere, she mutters, “what’s for dinner” and “I’m hungry…what is there to eat”. While I ask questions about her day and what new things she learned, she offers up very few pieces of information. She gets her snack, eats it and then proceeds up to our bedroom where our computer is to do her “homework”…which often includes going on Facebook and texting with her friends.

Dinner time arrives. The four of us always sit together for dinner which gives us a chance to pause and catch up on the day. If what we are serving isn’t to her liking, she pushes her food around and picks out the stuff she likes leaving the majority of it behind. While we encourage her to eat, reminding her of the benefits of the nutritious and healthy dinner we always put before her, she turns grumpy and sometimes after a heated exchange she is either asked to leave the table for her rudeness or storms up to her bedroom.

Sometimes, if my wife is lucky, my daughter (around 11 o’clock at night when my wife simply wants to go to bed), decides to start sharing stuff about what is happening in her life.

But not with me!

My interaction with her seems to be reprimands for her neglect of chores and other family responsibilities or questioning her plans for hanging out with friends on the weekend (“Where are you going?” “Who are you hanging with?” “How are you getting there?” “When will you come home?” “Any boys?”)

If I have an altercation with her, for something she has done or hasn’t done, I am the one that usually feels guilty. I don’t understand why because she is the one disrupting the dynamic of our little family. It is she who has dis-engaged from our family. It is she who fights with her little sister and disagrees with her mother and I.

So why do I feel guilty?

Is it because I am over-reacting? Is it because I feel like I am pushing her away? Or, am I over-analyzing this and this is just part of a developmental process that will take a few years to go through?

Teenage years are hard on teenagers that’s for sure. But they are equally hard on the parents of the teenagers. I have said before that my role as her father is not to be her buddy or her friend but to be her parent. In that role, I fully expect resistance and some bumps along the way. Hopefully, when she is older and wiser she will look back on these days as beneficial and worthwhile to her and when she does reflect, she does so with a smile on her face.

I know I am a good parent. My wife is a good parent too. We are both fully engaged, aware and interactive. We enjoy our children and they are, at their core, decent, caring and compassionate.

I adore her and love her completely. She is my own flesh and blood and I would do anything for her. I know deep down beneath her teenage bravado, she is my little girl who loves me too. I know it!

I always tell her that I love her…in between telling her to clear the dishes and straightening her room!

The Talk

My 14 year old came very close to smoking pot for the first time last Friday. But, her reasonably good judgement held her back from trying it because she didn’t feel comfortable smoking with the people around her. Even though they were her friends, she was afraid because of what she heard she would feel like if she got high.

Of course, my wife found this out just minutes before my daughter turned in for the night a few days later. It was close to 11 o’clock in the evening and she was exhausted. My daughter was still up and felt like talking…a bit of a rarity for her.

Better late than never!

I found out about it 48 hours later. This seems to happen more and more these days. As a minority in my own household (my amazing wife of twenty years and two daughters), my wife is the “go-to” parent when it comes to “female” things but also other issues concerning relationships, school issues and now, drugs and alcohol.

Better someone than no one at all.

So, my wife and I, along with our 14 year old, were upstairs in our bedroom, my daughter on the computer, my wife relaxing on the bed and me just hanging out.

No time like the present to have the conversation.

How could I be honest, sincere and ethical about this kind of stuff if I didn’t come clean about my own past. My wife asked me out loud, “would you ground her if you knew she got drunk or high?”

Good question. As a “Johnny-come-lately” to the whole “pot thing”, I was already an adult before I smoked my first joint. I was in the safe company of people I knew and trusted (my wife being one of them). I wanted to be in a safe environment because I didn’t know what I was going to expect. As for drinking…I really never had much of a taste for the hard stuff when I was a teenager. While I did enjoy beer, I only got full on it and never got drunk to the point of being sick. Nevertheless, she needed to know a little about my past so that I wouldn’t be hypocritical.

I spoke more to her about the side effects of over-indulging: bed spins, vomiting, hangovers, being out of control, saying things she might regret, acting really silly…the list goes on.

I told her that we would not be surprised if she ever tried smoking pot but that she should be forewarned of how she might feel and that we might decide to reprimand her if we found out about it (the same being true for getting plastered). I asked her if she thought it was worth it; if getting high or drunk as a skunk and feeling as lousy as I explained she would feel, was worth it? Was it worth getting punished for indulging?

While she didn’t give me a straight answer, I didn’t really expect her to.

I wasn’t born yesterday. Most teenagers, at one point or another, will either be curious or actually partake in alcoholic consumption or smoking up. I know my daughter has only dabbled a little in alcohol but according to her, has not developed a taste for it. I don’t think many teenagers develop a taste for alcohol, they do it for the buzz.

Isn’t this part of teenage-dom? Isn’t this part of growing up? Making mistakes (getting really high or drunk) is part of the learning curve called life.

If I keep on justifying to myself that its ok for her to participate in this teenage ritual, I will start believing myself.

I look at my 14 year old daughter as still being pristine; just like the newborn I remember holding a mere 14 years ago. I remember looking at her and thinking how perfect she was. To poison her young body with chemicals and alcohol seems so wrong, yet I know teenagers do it every day.

On this particular day, my only words of wisdom to her were this: if she is ever out and gets too drunk or high or feels uncomfortable in her situation, that she should call us and no matter what…no questions asked, we will come to get her. Nothing will be said of the event until after she recovers from it.

I reminded her that she should feel comfortable talking to us about stuff like this…nothing to be embarrassed about. The right kind of knowledge (meaning…not getting her info from her friends) on issues surrounding drugs and alcohol are probably best answered by people who have used both (in varying amounts) over the years.

I also told her that if she wanted to sample different alcoholic beverages to know what they taste like and how it feels to be “buzzed”, she could try it in the comfort and safety of her own home (yeah, I know..totally uncool).

I even made the same offer to her regarding getting high. For some reason, when I made that offer, she was totally into it.

Dare I say…so was I!

Shut Up!

What a doofus I am. Here I am, telling my kids to stop telling each other to “shut up” all the time and I am the biggest hypocrite.

Last night, during my yin yoga practice, all I did was kept saying was “shut up”…to myself.

NO, I am not losing it.

For those of you who didn’t read a recent blog of mine that talked about the benefits of yin yoga (which are great), I ask you to go back, find it and read up on it….Go on, the rest of us will wait for you.

Caught up? Good.

The practice of yin yoga is a very intense one. The postures, while are not overly complicated, are very difficult to hold for long periods of time. The main reason is because they are extremely uncomfortable. We are told to push ourselves to our own limit without causing ourselves pain. Going to the limit physically has an impact on you mentally.

Inside, as you are performing these uber-intense hip openers, you are saying to yourself, “get me out of here, this is bloody uncomfortable. I want to be any place but here. Please, lord make it stop! Damn this hurts….”

The challenge is to breathe, in through the nose and out through the nose and push yourself through the posture to its end. The discomfort you experience takes you away from the mat and the practice. Your mind begins to wander…thoughts of wanting the pose to end or thinking beyond the pose to other stuff that is swimming around your mind, begins to creep in. Some of the stuff you begin thinking of is a replay of the day’s events, things that need to be done after the practice is finished or worry about stuff in the future or obsessing about the past.

At my last yin class, my mind would not stop blabbing. Yes, the poses were intense and yes I wanted them to be over and no, I wasn’t listening as intently as I should have to the instructor who was educating us on our bodies and how they react to stress or adversity. I was there in body….but not in mind (at least not as much as I would have liked).

The teacher told us that it was okay to have wandering thoughts. She told us that if we went back to our breath that our focus would soon return. I desperately wanted to believe her but that particular night…it was so not happening.

We were doing many hip-opening postures. Apparently many of us carry alot of our stress in our hips….that is where it physically manifests. Well my hips didn’t lie…boy, were they ever tight and painful. All the breathing in the world could not have distracted me from that intense sensation.

Walking home after class, I reviewed the class in my mind; remembering all the helpful pieces of information our teacher provided us on stress and the body and the benefits of maintaining a yin practice.

But maintaining your stress levels isn’t only done with practicing yin yoga. It totally has to do with the mind and how you can control what kinds of information you bring into it. It has everything to do with the positive thoughts that you need to place in your mind. It has everything to do with not worrying about the future which can take up a lot of energy and effort…for no good reason. It has alot to do with not thinking about the past and what you should have or shouldn’t have done. When a moment passes it is over and done with and cannot be replayed or redone.

Yin yoga helps you train your mind to operate this way. If negative thoughts creep into the picture…that is ok…so long as they come in and then leave just as quickly. If they linger around for a while, that is not a good thing….you have to force them out!!

I will continue with my ying practice. It is a practice and a journey I am committed to.

House Versus Home

I have been working from home for almost a year. In that time, my daily routine has changed dramatically. Instead of rushing out the door at an ungodly hour to get into the craziness of morning rush hour, I instead, leave the house around 8:40 with my youngest daughter as we make the very short walk to the school yard where I drop her off and carry on my merry way.

Sometimes after we part ways I indulge and go for a brisk 40 minute walk to clear my head, get my exercise in and enjoy the good weather, other times I hop into my car and head off to a business meeting or sometimes I just return home and begin my day of emails and other correspondence.

It’s those times when I return home that I realize that there is a clear distinction between a house and a home.

When I walk through the front door of my house and close the door, the first thing I notice is how incredibly quiet everything is. The normal craziness of a house populated with my wife and two young daughters has completely stopped.

Sometimes, I walk into each of my daughter’s rooms (to put away laundry, make their bed or generally straighten up their rooms which are often very messy). I notice the indentation in the pillow of where there head was while they slept or my younger daughter’s favorite “pinky” (her blanket) that she sleeps with, lying in a ball on her unmade bed. I notice the pictures, posters, clothing, lotions and potions scattered in their room. I realize that when these things are just left on their own, they are meaningless. They are just objects. However, when my daughter’s are in their rooms, interacting with these things, I realize that they are all integral parts of who they are. Every object and item has a story to it (where it was bought, why it was bought, who bought it for them, what was the significance of it?).

I move through the halls of our home and realize that a house that is not filled with the people you love the most is really just a house. A home is where love is. Its where people are…where they interact and engage with each other.

Looking at the dining room on our main floor this morning, I realized that mere days ago, it was filled with eight 11 year olds who were invited to celebrate my daughter’s birthday. It was a loud, crazy, sugar-high infested group. Today, it sits empty..just a space with a bunch of objects in it that resemble a dining room.

These are tough times we live in. People left, right and centre are losing their houses because they have fallen on hard times (losing a job being the main culprit). While my little family has its challenges, I am encouraged by the possibilities that lie before me and am extremely confident that we will turn the corner headed in the right direction.

But as we continue on our journey, I think about what our lives would be like if we weren’t living where we are now. What if we had to move? Would it really matter? Yes, of course, many memories have been made in this house. A family was started in this house. Our two daughters were conceived and raised in this house. We have shared many laughs and many tears in this house. We have entertained with dear family and friends in this house. But, these are memories that are ours and they don’t belong to this house. These memories are portable. They can be taken any where we choose to go because we experienced them all together. It doesn’t matter that they took place in this house. They could have taken place anywhere else.

Home is wherever my family is. The four of us are home. A house is just a bunch of wood, brick, dry wall, wires and pipes assembled together to create a structure in which we live.

Home is family.

Stressed Up The “Yin” Yang

So, despite the fact that I have an injured rotator cuff, today I participated in a yin yoga class.

OK…first off, I know what you are wondering, “what the heck is yin yoga”

Yin is a kind of yoga that targets connective tissues, such as the ligaments, bones, and even the joints of the body that normally are not exercised very much in a more active style of yoga or other physical activities.

Typically, a yin yoga class will last about an hour in which time only a handful of positions are taken (about 6-8). Each position is held for a while and boy, let me tell you, they are very intense positions. Not intense in that they are hard to hold, but intense in that they push you to your limit and are often a tad on the uncomfortable side.

While you hold these poses, the yoga teacher usually talks and lectures on a specific subject matter somehow connected to the practice.

Today’s subject matter had to do with my favorite of faves….STRESS.

Stress is unavoidable. In fact, we all need a little bit of stress in our lives. It kinda acts like a motivator…to get things done.

However, when stress becomes “distress”, that is when bad things start to happen. Our body and our mind begin to react in a negative way.

Yes, there are the more obvious ramifications of dealing with distress or anxiety…like heart attack, sleeplessness and other serious ailments and diseases.

But other interesting things start to happen. Digestion becomes problematic…even if you are filling your belly with only healthy and nutritious things. Your body reacts to stress by not properly distributing blood and oxygen to all the vital parts in our bodies. As a result, our stomach cannot work effectively at breaking down all that is inside it…to extract all the good vitamins and minerals found in healthy food.

We become more agitated when we are anxious or distressed. As a result, we lash out at those easiest to attack…our loved ones. How many times have you come home from a shitty day at work and you snap at your partner or children for the smallest of reasons? Guilty as charged!

Our sleep becomes compromised. Our ability to allow our bodies to fall into a sleep state goes down the toilet and as a result we suffer from anxiety and fatigue which wreaks havoc with our body to stay healthy and strong.

Anxiety and distress find their way into other parts of our body. For example, distress often finds its way into our hip flexors and our shoulders and necks. Distress messes with our body’s sugar levels contributing to the proliferation of Type 2 Diabetes.

So, here I was, doing a yin yoga class that focused on “hip openers”, cursing to myself about how intense the discomfort was as I was trying to open my hips..only to find out that I am probably more distressed than normal and this distress was finding its way into my hips…amongst other body parts.

So…why all the distress?

I think that we bring on unnecessary stress all by ourselves. We create our own stress.

Wanna know how?

Well…for starters we obsess about the past (many who suffer from depression dwell on the past) and we also obsess about the future. Neither of these two places in time we have any control over. We fabricate “what if” scenarios in our minds…playing out scenarious about what might happen in the future even though we don’t really know for sure what is going to happen a second from now…or a minute.

So we freak ourselves out over events that already happened and spend too much time looking in our crystal balls for the answers to the future.

We also place an inordinate amount of pressure on ourselves to surround our self with a bunch of silly stuff we really don’t need. We work ourselves to the bone to try to get that second cottage property or those designer shoes that everyone just has to have or that new version of the IPhone because what we already have just doesn’t cut it.

In essence…we are killing ourselves. Call it suicide…call it what you want. But, we as a society are so screwed up and without clear sense of the priorities in life that we are slowly but surely killing ourselves off.

Life has become way too complicated and we only have ourselves to blame.

Last I checked, life is a gift…it is a blessing. Life is filled with so many wonderful and natural things of beauty and all we are doing is whirling through it like someone lit a stick of dynamite and shoved it where the “sun don’t shine”.

For that 75 minute yoga class, I was on the mat…my mind focused on the sensations I was feeling in my body as the teacher put us through our paces. Nothing else seemed to matter. I breathed in and out deeply..something that we often forget to do when we are in crisis mode.

I took in what that teacher said and while I had heard the same story over and over again, for some reason, this time, something clicked.

I am 46 and have more good years behind me then in front of me. I need to slow it down a bit. That doesn’t mean that I work less because I cannot afford to. But what it does mean is that I need to focus on those parts of my life that bring me joy and happiness and bring and joy and happiness to those parts that I normally struggle through.

As an aspiring “enlightened male”, I will continue to work hard at re-prioritizing my life so that I live each day completely…living as presently as is the moment that I am in.

Club Teenager

I want to start a club and I am looking for new recruits. No, its not the “He-Man Woman-Hater’s Club” (that is an Our Gang reference for those of you old of enough to remember!). The only requirement is that you must be the parent of a teenager (either a newly turned teenager or a veteran teenager). I am not opposed to inviting parents of children who are not quite bonafide teenagers, but who are looking for insight and want to join as a result.

Membership is free. The only thing I ask is that at each meeting, you bring your stories and for the record, I am quite partial towards red wine but I will drink white wine, beer or anything alcoholic for that matter.

Being the parent of a teenager is not an easy thing. Anyone who has children at other stages of development (“terrible” twos..or babies who have colic or aren’t sleeping through the night), your situation is a virtual cakewalk by comparison.

I don’t mean to minimize or downplay any stresses you might have with your own children, but being a mother or father to a teenaged daughter or son is not like any other experience you will go through. Those midnight feedings will feel like a walk in the park by comparison!

The only thing I can compare it to is working at a job that you don’t like. However, unlike a job you dislike where you can quit at any time and just suffer from the lack of income, you really can’t quit being a mom or dad to a teenager. The only thing you can do is to wait out the storm.

I remember when my teenaged daughter first became a teenager and starting displaying behaviors that might be typically identified as “teenager-ish”. I asked my wife how long this period of erratic and obnoxious behavior would last? When would it come to an end?

She told me about 5 years.

My daughter is relatively new to being 14…her second year into her teens. That means I have to wait until she is about 18 or 19 before this behavior will fully be out of her system. I will be into my fifties!

I remember recently attending an event of an old friend of my wife’s. While at the party, we started a conversation with another couple who coincidentally had two daughters the exact same ages as ours. Unfortunately for them (fortunately for us!), their 14 year old daughter sounded just as morose as our 14 year old daughter. They recounted stories of how their daughter behaves; how she sometimes disengages from her family, her attitude, her random behavior….

I don’t know if its a girl thing but teenage girls clearly can be royal pains in the ass…maybe even more so than boys. Challenge me on this!

It felt so good talking to these two poor souls. They clearly were tired and worn down from their daughter’s antics in the same way that my wife and I are. They were at a loss at trying to figure out what would trigger their daughter’s behaviors…just like us.

I am thinking they could be perfect club members.
We could share war stories of our battles with our teenage daughters. We could reminisce about the old days, when our daughters were pre-teen, sweet, respectful and still wanted to hang out with their mom and dad.

I could share stories with fellow dad’s about how our role of father has been replaced with chauffeur as we are beckoned to drive our primadonna’s here there and everywhere and are expected to be awake and alert enough to pick them up at some ungodly hour on a Friday or Saturday night.

I have a sneaky suspicion that if I was really serious about forming this club, that there would be many parents willing to join; willing to spew the venomous thoughts swirling through their brains as they throw their hands up in exasperation dealing with their teenaged children.

We could meet once a month. I could even supply “beverages”.

I’m serious…kind of.

Copy Cat

“Every time I wear something new or different…she copies me. I am getting sick of it, Dad!”

I knew she was upset even before she set foot in the house. I received a text directly after school from her saying “I am mad”. She rarely comes home in a huff..for that matter, she rarely gets in a huff. But today she was, as she accused one of her closest friends of copying whatever my daughter wears or is using and then claims ownership of the style and boasts about it to all her friends.

I told her that what her friend is doing is similar to a compliment. I told her she shouldn’t be mad but feel flattered.

Instead, she said, “I am pissed!”

In recent months, my daughter has become quite the “uber-fashionista”. She has always had her own sense of style and is very aware of fashion and what goes well with what. She is very thoughtful in selecting her wardrobe and bases the choice on a number of variables.

It has been her practice to always want try on clothes, shoes, purses, makeup…whenever my wife and I are in a clothing store or at the mall.

On a recent trip down south for March Break, we had a few rainy days and wound up visiting the very big mall there or checked out one of the many fashion discount stores nearby. These are fashion meccas to my daughter.

She loves to try on shoes and typically goes for the garish and highest heel possible. On her little feet, it looks slightly ridiculous and comical. But the part that scares me the most is when she puts them on, stands up and begins to strut her stuff, pretending she is a model parading down the cat walk. She literally, “has it going on”.

Where did she learn these moves? Certainly her mom and I didn’t teach them to her. Her older sister doesn’t have the time of day for her so it can’t be her. Where did she pick them up?

So, she is pissed with her friend for copying every single thing she wears or has. First it was a cell phone. My daughter got one in the summer because of her need to communicate with us when she walks home from school. Well, her friend got a Blackberry and tried to “one up” her. We got my kid a new pair of Converse while on vacation (powder blue), her friend got a pair in purple. She wore a jean jacket to school one day…her friend wore a new one the very next day.

Monkey see, monkey do.

I reminded my daughter of her uniqueness…that it didn’t really matter what she wore because there is not another living person on the face of the planet who is anything like her. She is a one of a kind.

I reminded her that she has her own unique style and no one can take that away from her. This part I know. In fact, my daughter goes through several wardrobe changes before finalizing on what she will ultimately wear to school. She usually changes into something else after school…only creating more laundry for my wife and I to tackle. It doesn’t even matter if its really dirty…its easier to toss into the laundry hamper then to fold neatly and put away.

Yes, my daughter is a clothes horse with an obsession for style….and she is barely 11!

My last piece of advice concerning her copy cat friend was to simply ignore her. Let her do her own thing. In the end, it was my daughter who had the original fashion vision. So long as what she wears is clean and is suitable for the weather, I say, “go for it”.

I think its fantastic that my daughter has a clear sense of who she is and that she has developed her own sense of style. She is confident in her choices and in her skin. She is keenly aware of style and its aesthetic and will probably take this skill and apply it in some way professionally when she is older. Some days its a bit “out there”…but who cares?

If it makes her happy and confident in her own skin…all I can really say is, “you look fab!”

Lighten Up! Take A Chill Pill!

I just came back from taking a great walk. Its springtime and since I am working from home, I have the luxury of being able to set my own hours.

Walking is great! Not only as a form of exercise and cheap mode of transportation, walking also slows us down to take in all the amazing things that surround us.

When I walk, I am not only able to embrace the beauty of springtime; seeing the trees beginning to bud (albeit prematurely) and seeing daffodils and tulips beginning to grow and blossom, but I am also able to people watch.

Today, I started my walk after dropping my younger daughter off at school. I walked for about an hour and took in all the sights and sounds of the morning rush hour. My journey took me up and down major city streets so I had a first hand account of this “oh-so-fun” time of day.

I also saw people walking to work, to the subway or waiting at the bus stop. I saw lots of faces; the majority of which were frowning or looking really stressed-out; the weight of the world resting on their shoulders.

It seemed as though everyone had the same look on their face. Everyone seemed lost in thought or on auto-pilot as they navigated their way to their destination.

I get it…I get the monotony of the work week. I get the humdrum of the same old same old. Getting up at the same hour each morning, going through the same routine, getting on the same bus or streetcar, going to the same destination, doing the same job, getting back on that bus or streetcar to come home and maybe, doing something a little different in the evening before going to bed to get up to the same thing the next day.

As an “aspiring Enlightened Male”, I am sympathetic and understand this. However, I also know that there are many things that we can do on a daily basis to mix it up…to lighten up and to be more appreciative so that we can turn an otherwise mediocre day (should any day alive be considered mediocre?) into something better.

As you start your day, always remember that it cannot be repeated. Once Monday is over, its over. Monday is not the most popular day of the week but it is a day and should be treated with the same importance as Friday. Wanting it to be over because it represents the start of the work week is the wrong kind of attitude to take. So, going into the day with knowledge that it cannot be repeated can bring an even greater sense of appreciation and urgency about how you perceive your day. Each day completed brings each of us one step closer to the end of our journey in this life. More importantly, none of us really know when that day will come. So the importance of living each day fully and completely, becomes that much greater. I have talked about this very thing in previous blogs as it relates to our children who have thousands of days ahead of them so if they waste the occasional one, it doesn’t seem like the end of the world. Grown ups don’t have it quite so easy as there are more days behind us then ahead.

Here’s an idea…SMILE. Even if you don’t want to…force yourself. There was not a single face that I saw on my morning walk that had a smile on it. In fact, we as a society, are programmed to think that someone walking down the street with a smile on their face is crazy or a lunatic as opposed to someone who is happy and appreciative for being alive!

As you are waiting for your bus or stuck in a traffic jam worried about your day, your meeting, your report that is due, take a moment to be thankful. Be thankful you are gainfully employed (especially these days with so many people either out of work or looking for a more satisfying position). Be thankful that you are physically able to get out of bed and go to work each day; that your health allows you to do this. Take a look around you. See what I saw as I was on my morning walk; roll your window down and hear the birds, see the trees starting to bud, the bees actually pollenating (who would have thought this early in the season we would see that?), see the blue sky, take in the smell of spring.

If you are in an unhappy position (either professionally or otherwise), envision all that you want; think about what your day would be like if all that you wanted you got. Its kind of like fantasizing about all that you would do if you won that big lottery. The only difference being the odds are much better if you focus on manifesting all that you want versus you having the winning lottery ticket.

When you break for lunch, actually take the time to enjoy your meal and try to eat outside (if weather permits) as opposed to eating “al-desko”. If its nice out, go for a walk…clear your mind, listen to some great music on your IPod.

The things you can do to give yourself the possibility of a better day are endless. They don’t require huge and sweeping changes to your routine or thought process.

A little can go a long way.

“What Not To Wear”

Yes, I fully admit to the fact that I enjoy watching the famed TLC show with Stacey and Clinton. In fact, at one point, I was so taken with Clinton’s style, I was going through a period of buying sport shirts that were “Clinton-like”; bold stripes and colors and very stylish.

I love to watch the show with those left in my family who still enjoy watching it; my youngest daughter who is turning 11 in a few weeks.

I have seen countless women (and a few men), transformed – both inside and out by Stacey, Clinton, Carmindy and the hair stylist of the moment (Nick or Ted). Some go into the process kicking and screaming, clinging onto their old wardrobes while others totally embrace the concept of change.

I, to a certain extent, have become somewhat of a fashion maven…developing an eye for “what not to wear”.

Nowhere better were my new skills put to the test than when my family and I were vacationing in Florida.

On a couple of occasions, mostly do to crappy weather, we wound up shopping for clothes with our two young daughters. My 14 year old was looking for some dresses to wear for some special occasions coming up later this spring and into early summer.

There were no shortage of stores that offered great selection and really good prices (no, I am not naming names…this is not an endorsement for one store over another…not unless I get some kind of kick-back for name dropping!).

I was fascinated to see what kinds of “looks” my daughter was drawn to as we combed through the many racks of the many stores we visited during our vacay. It was a long process and yes, I had the patience of a saint!

She is tall, has long gorgeous curly hair, has a great body, pretty face, gorgeous eyes…she is a “looker”. Anything would look fantastic on her.

Our first stop was to a shoe store chain that we have come to love over the past few years because of its breadth of selection and pricing.

She was looking for something very specific with a very big heel..but no cork because she hates the look of cork. Half hour later she slipped on a pair of Steve Maddens and began to walk, stumbling up and down the aisles of the shoe store as she was trying to get used to wearing such enormous heels.

Standing next to me, she was almost my height (I am six foot three inches). She awkwardly paraded around the store, struggling with her new found height and “ho-like” shoes on her feet.

“No way” was all that kept coming to my mind. No innocent 14 year daughter of mine, was going to walk around in those monstrosities. She could tell by the look on my face that I was less than impressed with her choice. I could not believe that out of the hundreds…if not thousands…of pairs of shoes available in that store that this was what she was drawn to. After much deliberation and conversation, she saw the error in her ways and walked out of the store empty-handed.

During the course of our stay in Florida, she was hemming and hawing between 4 different dresses. Some, my wife and I found for her…others, she found for herself.

When she slipped on one little black number, I kept on hearing Stacey London’s voice in my head, “shut the front door”…but not in a good way.

While I didn’t take a picture, I can tell you that it fit where it touched, was way too tight, way too short and way too revealing. With the right make up and those hideous platform shoes from the shoe store, my daughter could have easily passed for a certain kind of female worker…if you know what I mean.

I began thinking to myself, “is this my daughter’s taste? Is this what she is drawn too? Is this kind of image she wants to project? Is this what she thinks boys like?”

All these dresses she was digging up were inappropriate and unnecessary for a girl her age.

Sounding like a typical father, we continued on our search.

Finally, a dress, that my daughter discovered on her own, was located. It was green, long sleeved with slits in the sleeve and cut to mid-thigh. A little Calvin Klein dress that made her look breathtakingly beautiful..and only $49.99. We were comfortable with the price and the hemline.

Very age-appropriate and the right kind of look for our daughter. She was thrilled and we were thrilled because after many hours of searching and much push-back from her, she found something that we all agreed on.

When we got back to our condo, she modeled it again for my wife and I. I looked at her, in awe as this gorgeous 14 year old tall drink of water came out of the bedroom, long tanned legs, her long curly tresses flowing and a big smile on her face, happy with her selection.

We all marveled at her beauty and her choice.

Needless to say, we are still looking for shoes. I am thinking Birkenstocks!

Unintended All-Nighter

The last time I pulled an all-nighter was at summer camp. I was a counsellor and we were preparing for an all-day camp-wide special program. We stayed up until dawn painting banners and each other (we were goofy-tired), laughing and singing. Had the stamina to continue on the next day like I was ready to run a marathon…but I was also 17!

The most recent all-nighter I pulled was last night. This time around, however, I was 46…not 17 and was not intending to stay up.

I got into bed the night before, as I normally do, at 11, fully rested, restored and mellow (or so I thought) from our recent March Break vacation.

Normally, my wife or I turn off the TV in our room by around 11:30 but this night, I kept it on until after midnight partially because of a great show I was watching but also because I just wasn’t ready to fall asleep. Plus, I had had a big dinner, felt stuffed and being home from vacation and back to reality, had my mind starting to spin at a rapid pace.

I was hoping to fall asleep with the TV on…which is not a bad thing. Instead, I stayed up until the end of the show and then deliberately turned it off, rolled over and tried to fall asleep.

No luck. I tossed and turned for about an hour while my wife was gently snoring (unlike me) beside me. Eventually I said, “screw it” and made my way down a floor, pillow in hand, to the second floor den with a giant L-shaped sofa and a TV.

There have been in times in the past where it has taken a bit longer for me to fall asleep and I make my way to the den to watch TV without disrupting my wife. Usually, I crash on the sofa and nod off to sleep until morning.

Not last night. I saw every freakin’ hour.

Its amazing how creative and active the mind can be when the body is so physically tired. Its also amazing how quickly your mind can fill up with unnecessary worry and heavy thoughts…kinda like mine did last night.

As an aspiring “Enlightened Male”, I have been working diligently on trying to rid my mind of these unnecessary thoughts as they serve me no purpose. These negative thoughts usually involve the future and what might unfold. However, my rational mind fights and reminds me that I have no control over future events even if I try my best to affect them by taking steps in the present. So many variables and things beyond my control can undo any work done in the present…so why bother?

Yet these thoughts still come. They involve things like employment, finances, health, the well-being of my family…they are countless. I have also realized that watching CNN or CBC at 3 o’clock in the morning which usually provides bleak and depressing information about world events (war, recession, debt, politics, tragedy) is the not smartest viewing choice at that hour (or any hour, for that matter).

So, what can I do?

Well, firstly, pulling an all-nighter, like I just did and surviving to tell the tale, has made me realize that I can make do without sleep. I am a bit groggy today and my eyes are heavy and sore but I will survive.

I don’t want to make a habit of the all-nighter, though. I intend on partaking in some light exercise because I know it will only benefit me both physically and mentally. I know I will peter-out later this evening but that is cool because I will crawl back into bed at my usual hour and know that my eyes will close and I will have a good sleep.

But I now further appreciate the importance of sleep and the need to not only rest the body but to also rest the mind. If I could have harnessed the energy from my active mind last night, I could have easily provided power to my house!

So, as I look forward to 11 o’clock tonight, wish me luck and sweet dreams.